It seems both pointless and potentially mind-numbing to recap what I have been up to lately. Always the list maker, I thought I'd map out the past six months with "clear and concise is nice" bullet points.
Late December:
- Christmas Eve! I arrived back home, waving my Chilean flag! Felt SO GOOD to be home.
- Spent the holidays relaxing, enjoying big pots of coffee, working out and not getting stared at, cooking, baking and hanging out with family.
January:
- The job search began. I have learned a lot about job searching, Denver, networking and education programs.
- Applied for and landed two jobs. SpanishEasyandFun: teaching private Spanish lessons and Global Works: co-leading a student, service learning trip to Costa Rica.
- I quickly became stir crazy and came across a craigslist posting at The Primrose School as a "floater."
February:
- Started at Primrose. The job is convenient, consistently 40 hours and I work with kids. Yet I also end up in the kitchen quite a bit...not my idea of working at a school. Little do I know of what lies ahead.
- Ski a few times with Liz, Becca and my family. LOVE Colorado!
March:
- Chugging along at Primrose. Realize that working with all females is far too dramatic. Work is draining, I go through the motions and people like me. Voted Employee of the Month.
- More ski weekends. Still LOVE Colorado!
- Lots of running and working out. Keeps me sane.
- Lindsey and Katie visited!!!!!!!!!!! I love my friends.
April:
- "Everybody's working for the weekend." Never identified with these lyrics as much as I do now.
- Long weekend to Minnesota. Many, many emotions mix and make me feel, well, more confused. Again, I love my friends. They feel me up...my cup runneth over.
May:
- Job searching like crazy. Every night after work I sit on my computer, writing cover letters, adjusting my resume, making contacts etc. I feel crazy. Not sure what the point is at times...
- Crazy funky spring weather. Rain, snow, heat all in 48 hours.
- Fun weekends up in Boulder/Denver. Rock climbing, grilling, beers.
- Global Works training weekend: inspiring, stimulating and information-packed weekend. I really like the company and plan on/hope to work for them for a long time. Similar interests make all the difference.
- Ran Bolder Boulder with new friends Jackie and Erin, fellow GW staffers. Very fun! Lots of distractions and crazy costumes. Another good tradition I want to continue.
- Oh, and I signed up for the Twin Cities Marathon in October. yikes.
June:
- Volunteering at Palisade Music Festival with Liz, Jon and Lowell. camping, bluegrass and sun.
- Quit Primrose. hallelujah!
- Prepare for 30 days of insane responsibility in Costa Rica- 17 high schoolers!
What I learned the past six months:
Patience takes on many forms. In Chile, patience meant something completely different to me. It meant waiting for everything, slowing down and being at peace with "accomplishing" less each day and being patient with my students.
Here in Colorado, it means being patient with the job hunt process. Knowing that "all it takes is one," and that it will all work out. Being at peace with where I am despite certain aspects of life I want to change soon (i.e. living sola, car, etc).
Despite what I tend to think, no one has it all together. We all struggle to obtain some idea of what we believe to be the "right thing." We unconsciously (or consciously) check off boxes to compare and make sense of our situation compared to the next person:
- living independently
- salaried job (or at least decent $)
- car
- boyfriend/girlfriend
For me, I have struggled to be 23 and ok with not having any of these. At times, its maddening. I want so badly to be out on my own and don't understand why I can't just figure it out.
I also realize that all of this self-centered thinking can be poisonous. It not only makes me ridiculously self-involved but it brings me down. I am not used to being a negative person. Yet when I combine my job, living situation and lack of independent transport, I have found myself
being more of a Debbie Downer than ever.
Maybe that is why I reopened my blog today. I want to stop this poisonous negative talk. It is not me. I'm in a phase, putting in my time and working hard to move out on my own. I have high expectations of myself and though some of them have to be put on hold for now, I can still live true to my values of kindness, constantly seeking new knowledge and balancing my life. These are things a new job, car and apartment can't provide.
Chin up.
No comments:
Post a Comment