I've always liked playing cards. war, bs, hearts, extreme spoons etc. What I don't like is being the only one learning a new game among a group of experts. Especially if it is complicated. At first they play a little slower and wait for you to catch on. "Let's do one more practice round...", "You're getting it" etc. When it's your turn a few rounds later, the whole table turns to look at you and silently judges how you are faring. "Ahhh ya. Mas o menos.."

Here in Chile, I am "that girl" that doesn't know how to play the game. A gringa, sitting at a table with a bunch of Chileans. speaking Spanish.

Ok, maybe I'm taking the analogy a bit far but in my brain, it works.

I feel like I am the only one at a table of many that doesn't understand how to play the game. Everyone else knows the secrets and tricks of the trade. This is especially true in my experience at Duoc-UC. From Day 1, I've always felt one step behind in terms of how the system works: grading, online portal, tests, orals, holidays, tracking my hours, attendance and on and on. Just last week, I finally figured out how to fill up my ONE white board marker with more ink. (It's amazing how satisfying it is to see a nice bold line of blue ink on the board.)

Worst of all when playing cards is thinking you've made a nice move only to have the experts inform you of a rule you didn't know about. "No, of course you can't do it that way." At Duoc, we are constantly sent emails informing us to pass on info to our students, post grades, update our teacher folder, document absences in a certain way etc. etc. In theory, this isn't a big deal and is all part of working at the university level. Yet it becomes a headache -and extremely frustrating- when:

a) I can't track down the site coordinator. ever.

b) I can't decipher the emails

c) When I'm sent in circles around the Duoc site

d) When I do something only to be told that I can't do it that way. that's the worst.

My sense of being one step behind is heightened now that the semester is coming to a close. There is a lot to do and we're constantly sent emails and receive notes in our folders. I've tried to limit the number of questions I ask the English coordinator and just figure it out on my own, but that method doesn't really pan out all the time.

In the end, you live and you learn, right? In a lot of ways I think I've learned more from this first semester teaching experience than I've taught my students. I mean, who knew that to express wishes in the present tense you use the past tense? ("I wish I had a goat.") That is some crazy logic to try and explain.

All of this bureaucratic rigamarole teaches me patience and an appreciation for huge institutional systems that function more or less logically. (Of course, that's my American logic at work...)